Meters and Feet are for posers.

Student 1: Me and my dad went biking, and we reached a cliff and it was really big!
Student 2: How big was the cliff?
Student 1: It was 500,000 bigs and it was big.

Queue Ponze

"These are just a box of coupons."
-- opening up a box of Cray Pas

Are you sure about that?

"Miss S, Miss S. My uncle died three years ago when he was thirteen. He's sixteen now."

Otherworldly Children

"I live next to outer space."

I know

Student: Mr. M, it smells like ass in here.
Mr. M: How would you know what ass smells like?
Student: Oh, trust me... I know.

Shoes

Teacher 1: Put your slip-on shoes in your book bag and take them home.
Teacher 2: They actually belong in his locker.
Student: They ain't slip-ons, they hard-ons.

Breakfast Time

"I'm not hungry. I already had breakfast. I had a root beer float."